


Left unsaid

by InmydreamsJemeurs



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jaime's red Lannister jacket, alternate version, hopefully lol, lots of hearteyes, s6 reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7440151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InmydreamsJemeurs/pseuds/InmydreamsJemeurs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Riverrun the Blackfish orders Brienne to prove she's not a Lannister spy. The long awaited reunion takes place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kingslayer's Whore

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic to post here, also English is not my first language so please go easy on me :D I wrote this before 6x08, in anticipation of the reunion and it made me super happy that some of it has become canon (especially Brienne watching the hot af Jaime in his red Lannister armor :D)

Brienne was led into the Tully camp. After a long week of being on the road with Pod, exposed to outlaws so that she could help Lady Sansa, she had expected a slightly warmer treatment, but all she got were suspicious, investigative glances along with obscene remarks, whom she got used to by this time. After having gained Sansa's trust she reckoned that getting accepted by the Tullys would mean no problem. She was wrong. They treated her worse, than the Lannisters in King's Landing. Those weren't fond of her either - like she wasn't fond of them - but at least, they accepted her presence. Here, people not only perceived her as a beast, but as a possible enemy.

In truth, Brienne couldn't blame them. She wasn't one of them. That much was obvious at first glance. 

 _I should have given Oathkeeper to Sansa_ \- she thought. Bringing a very much recognisable Lannister sword to a Tully camp was definitely one of the most reckless and stupid deeds she's ever done. She should have found another for herself and left Oathkeeper with Jon. On a second thought it was obvious how impossible that would have been. Jon Snow carrying around a Lannister sword... but even more importantly, Oathkeeper was hers. Oathkeeper was _his_. _He gave it to me, to fight for his honour. I cannot ever give it to anyone else_. Oathkeeper was the only thing in which Jaime stayed with her. Giving it to a stranger wasn't an option even if she'd have to face a thousand Tully soldiers.

Oathkeeper reminded her of Jaime, not that she needed anything specific to remember him. For Brienne everything in life became a reminder of Jaime Lannister. The songs of the bards were suddenly like the ones Jaime was singing on their way with Ser Cleos. Brienne wondered if they carried any meaning for her before that. She took a bath and she saw Jaime's face while he was crying his name and then whispering it into her shoulder. The sun was rising, its rays flaming through the leaves of dead trees, Brienne saw Jaime's hair falling into his eyes.

Whenever she looked at Oathkeeper, she relived that moment again. Jaime handing her the sword, their fingers touching, his face when she named it. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He was definitely not thinking about it anymore, not thinking about her. He sent her to protect Sansa, so that his oath to Lady Catelyn would be kept. Seeing something more in this gesture would be a bold and ridiculous mistake. _You are stupid if you think about that. Remember what happened with Renly._  

She couldn't afford to think about this now, finally they let him speak with the Blackfish. Up to now, they refused to let her in the castle, so much so that she thought, they'd put a blanket over her head to prevent her from spying. But they did nothing of this kind. Five soldiers came to guide her to him. They didn't utter a word while they went deeper and deeper into the Tully's home. Brienne couldn't remember when was the last time she was in a noble's castle. Before everything happened. _Before Renly, before Lady Catelyn, before Jaime..._ It must have been her father's house. Of course it was. Evenfall. She doubted she'd ever see it again. Or his father.

Brynden Tully waited her in a small council room with a few chairs and a table. The room was ill-kept and dusty, would have fitted better into a tavern, than in the family mansion of one of the most powerful houses in the kingdoms. Brienne had never seen the Blackfish before, but she heard of him a great deal. Every child of a noble house knew his name through the songs and ballads of his great deeds, and perhaps even the less noble children as well.

This man was old, his shoulders and back crooked, his hair grey, not so much with years, rather by his sorrow. Though his face was of a warrior at his full prime, not of a broken man. If Brienne didn't know he was a Tully, she would have been afraid.

"Aren't you going to speak to me?" he asked her.

Brienne's just realized that her guides had left. All of a sudden the two of them were alone in the room.

"I thought you came to persuade me. Not going to happen without words."

Brienne didn't know what to say. How can she respond to something that is not true?

"My lord, I'm Brienne of Tarth, daughter of Lord..."

"I know who you are. I know what you want. And I can tell you, you came in vain."

"...Perhaps people mislead you with false information of me." she tried to say these words with the most respectful tone possible.

"I don't need other people to form an opinion of you. Who do you think I am?"

Brienne felt like a child again, when her septa scolded her for being stupid. It was the kind of question she couldn't possibly know the right answer for.

"...Ser Brynden Tully." she said hesitantly.

"And do you think the Blackfish cannot make up his mind about Lannister spies sneaking into his camp on his own?"

"I'm not a spy."

"Answer me!"

"Yes, I think you can... my lord... But, but maybe you've misunderstood me."

"Oh, how so?"

"I was sent here on the command of your niece, Sansa Stark, and her brother, Jon Snow. They want to take back Winterfell from Ramsay Bolton and they thought you could help them."

There was a brief silence. The Blackfish looked her in the eye inexorably. For a moment Brienne thought he would send for the guards and have her killed right there for lying to his face.

"Sansa is married to that bastard."

"Not anymore. She escaped Winterfell during Stannis's siege."

He waited again. When he started to speak, his tone was more jovial.

"You know, during the years, decades of battles and all the shit of governing your people you develop to detect lies. You're too young to understand this now, but maybe one day you will. You just have to make sure, you live long enough to see that day."

"I'm not lying."

The Blackfish let out a little laughter. It was dark and without joy.

"You know what do my men call you? The Kingslayer's whore. What does this tell you?"

The name struck Brienne in the face. She's never heard it before. It made her feel anger in her chest, the kind of anger that she hasn't felt for a long time. 

 _They don't know anything. They don't know anything about me. About Jaime. How could they_?

Deep in her heart, she felt sad too. She was sad because it wasn't true.

"Jaime Lannister sent on my mission to find Sansa Stark and fulfill the oath he had made to your niece."

"As if the Kingslayer's so famous about keeping his word."

She didn't know how to respond. People calling Jaime 'Kingslayer' gave her the urge to tell them the truth, Jaime told her at Harrenhal. To tell them it wasn't his fault. _To tell them his name is Jaime_. But there wasn't time for this.

"My lord, your niece is alive because of me and Jaime Lannister whether you believe it, or not"- she didn't dare to say Ser Jaime not to strengthen the Blackfish in his misbeliefs, but she couldn't bring herself to utter the name 'Kingslayer'.

"I prefer not. Especially since rumour has it, Jon Snow is dead... From what I see you are another attempt of the Lannisters to try to lure me from my castle. But since you're so sure about yourself, you are going to stay here. Just to make sure I am mistaken."

"My lord, my task is to convince you to help Lady Sansa and support your soldiers against the Freys if need be, I cannot do this while locked in here."

"Oh don't worry, we'll make use of you this way. You say the Kingslayer gave you this fancy sword, prove it! You say he sent you to protect Sansa, prove it!" His eyes started to smile as he watched Brienne struggle. "You two could have made up a better lie, but now you can discuss it at least."

Brienne didn't understand. _How could I prove anything?_

The Blackfish continued. "Tomorrow Lannister troops are coming to support those bloody Freys, with your precious Ser Jaime at the head of their army. I give you three days to change his mind, persuade him to cancel the siege and drag his soldiers back to his beloved sister. And who knows? He might even help you take back Winterfell, if he indeed cares so deeply about Sansa."

For minutes Brienne didn't realize she was alone in the room. She tried to unfold the Blackfish's words. 'Tomorrow', 'coming', 'Ser Jaime'. It felt like as if there was a veil between her and the meaning of these words. Because this was just not possible. Jaime coming here. She had pain in her chest again. But deep in her heart this time was the strangest joy she's ever felt.

 

 

 

 


	2. Less than nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne sees Jaime from the Riverrun castle, she has to realise her feelings for him have never really disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for looking into this! It's more of an interlude than a real chapter, but soon to be continued :)

Brienne felt her heart dancing in her chest. It was no light, tripping dance of the Braavosi swordsmen, it was so heavy, she felt it all over her body. She was glad Podrick wasn't there. _No need for him to see that his lady is as stupid as any other woman_. She scolded herself for being so excited. For what? _Who is he to me? Who am I to him? If I keep acting like a stupid teenage girl trembling for his arrival, what right would I have to say I'm not his whore?_

 _The Kingslayer's whore_. Her father always told her not to listen to mockery. _They are just words, they cannot hurt you_. This is what she repeated every time people called her an ugly cow, a beast, a freak. Brienne knew they were saying the truth. She knew she was nothing like that sweet, delicate flower a maiden at her age was expected to be. Her face was coarse and homely, her figure absurdly tall and mannish. _They are just saying what they see, I cannot blame them for it_. But this time it was different for it wasn't true. She was not a whore... Men called her names for being a maiden and now they branded her for the opposite. _What am I supposed to be, father?_

She wondered who started the rumour. _How could they think someone like him would want someone like me?_ She was too ashamed to admit it to herself, but in a secret little nook of her heart she wondered what it would be like if it was true. That nook was full of thoughts like this. They weren't even thoughts as she forbidded herself to think about such things. _Feelings. Only feelings. Less than nothing_ , she told herself.

She opened the window wider. The soldiers' red and golden swirl was moving in sync as they marched. It reminded Brienne of a painting she'd seen at Evenfall when she was just a little girl. She wondered if someone would paint this scene in a similar fashion, and if so, would she be on it as well? _Maybe as the enemy_ , she thought, _the big wench who sides against the beautiful lions_.

Then she saw _him_. She swallowed and instinctively tried to step closer, until she realised a window and a 30-yard depth was in her way. His sight was what she'd been waiting for since dawn, since the Blackfish's words, since their departure. It was all too much and not enough at the same time. She took a deep breath as if she tried to inhale him. _Jaime_.

She could see he'd aged quite a lot since she last saw him, and yet, to Brienne's eyes, he hadn't changed a bit. His hair was less golden, more resembling of shiny mud, than Queen Cersei's blonde crown. He was handsome as ever. She realised she'd never seen him in his house's colours. _He's a Lannister, that's all he would ever be_.

His figure was slender, although not as skinny as he was after his maiming. He'd put most of his muscles back. _Thank the gods_ , Brienne found herself saying then immediately blushed at her own words. As she studied his face she saw some wrinkles that weren't there when they departed. More grey hairs in his stubble and on his temple as well. _We've both aged. The gods do not take exception to beauty. The question is if we changed_.

Out of an impulse Brienne left the window. Her legs started to run. Maybe if she slayed the guards she could get out of there without the Blackfish noticing. She could get back to North with Pod, forget they ever came here. _What are the chances of Ser Brynden chasing a wench and her teenage squire if there are armed Lannisters in front of his door?_ This is what her head thought, but her legs wasn't leading her out of Riverrun. They've brought her to the Lannister camp instead. Maybe for the first time in her life, her body obeyed that little nook in her heart.   


	3. You Love Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne meets Jaime in Riverrun. Fluff ensues.

Brienne was standing at the entrance of Jaime Lannister's tent and felt as awkward as ever.  _What am I going to say?_  It didn't make any sense. Her trying to convince one of the most powerful man in Westeros to drop a siege that his king commanded him to win had to be the most ridiculous plan in history.  _I'll make a complete fool out of myself_.

But it wasn't the plan that mattered. It wasn't the fact that she very well knew she wouldn't succeed. It wasn't about the bloody siege. From the moment they parted Brienne knew that she should never meet Jaime again.

 _He said 'Goodbye, Brienne' and I was wordless_.

She remembered the beauty and the enormicity of that moment. That was the moment she knew that Queen Cersei was right.

 _I love him and therefore I must not ever see him again_ , she thought as she was riding away.  _I loved him and he saw it. Good thing he'd just sent me out of his sight._  But now, here they were again. This ought to have never happened.

She kept repeating her lies that she has forgotten him and she'd probably feel nothing if she sees him again, for she's forgotten his eyes staring at her when she said she'd find Sansa for him. She has also forgotten his smirk when he called her a Lannister, she obviously forgot the playfulness of the wrinkles around his emerald eyes as he was tormenting her. She never thought about his tender touch as she was holding him in the Harrenhal tub, either.

 _These should have just remained memories._  Memories she could think about at cold nights when all of this is over, memories that can warm her thoughts at the lonely night of Evenfall. If she ever makes it back home. No one would know about them, but she'd know they are true. Deep in her heart she could be happy for knowing what love is.

Apparently the gods wanted something else.

The tent's fabric moved and Brienne almost jumped in surprise. It wasn't Jaime.

"You can go in, my lady" said Bronn.

Brienne looked at him poignantly to see if he goes away, but the man seemed to have very much settled in front of the tent. Now she couldn't even run away.

"You stay outside" she told Podrick and went in.

She's probably never been this nervous in her life. She heard every heartbeat in her ear.

Jaime was bent over a table with a huge map stretched on it. He was wearing a tight Lannister red jacket with a black belt on his slim waist. He didn't look up.  _Hasn't Bronn told him, I'm here?_

"What the dusty fuck are you doing here this time? I told you to go away" she heard his voice.

Brienne froze.  _He doesn't know._

This became even more awkward. How does she...? What should she...? Brienne chose to remain silent and took a step closer. Then it hit her. She was in the same room as Jaime Lannister after nearly two years. It felt so long when she was on the road with Pod, but now all that time got shrinked like they never separated. Brienne felt her awkwardness go away and there came Queen Cersei's voice echoing in her head.  _You love him_. She stood there as if she wouldn't move in a thousand years again.

She heard Jaime's voice once more, "All right, what do you want?"

 Jaime began lifting his head and his eyes met Brienne's. The smug look, which he probably addressed to Bronn, disappeared. His eyes doubled in a mixture of surprise and another feeling, Brienne feared to interpret as joy. His lips parted and started to form something resembling of a subtle smile.

"Brienne" she heard her name.

"Ser Jaime."

They stood in silence for some moments. He did have more wrinkles, but most of his scars has healed. This was exactly how she remembered his face, open and sincere.  _You love him_. Her heart ached at how she wanted this moment to come and feared it all the same. Now it was here.  _So much to tell, but it will all be left unsaid._

Jaime took a step closer, uncertain about how to greet her.

"Why... How come you're here, my lady?"

Oh yes, she actually had a reason to stand there like a mute. She already forgot about the whole thing.

"I found Sansa" she began, right in the middle.

"You did? Where?" Jaime looked astonished.

She studied his face. She forgot what she was expecting his reaction would be.

"It's a long story, Ser. She escaped from Winterfell with Theon Greyjoy's help. You might have heard that Petyr Baelish had married her off to Ramsay Bolton."

"Yes, I've heard, but I thought it was nothing but a rumour... So you say she escaped and you happened to be just there?" Jaime said with a mischievous smile on his face to lighten the mood.

Brienne didn't know how to react. "As I said it's a long story. Now I'm here on Lady Sansa's command."

"How so?" his wrinkles on his forehead deepened as he frowned.

"Lady Sansa and his brother, Jon Snow want to take back Winterfell from the Boltons. The lady sent me to convince Ser Brynden to help their cause."

Jaime's playfulness disappeared. He parted his lips again and nodded with a sad smile.

"Of course. I should have known you pledged your fealty to her house."

"Ser? You asked me to find Sansa and that..."

"Yes, yes, I know! I just hoped we wouldn't be on opposite sides the next time we met... I thought maybe you're here on a ... I don't know... private business."

He smiled again. With his teeth. Brienne didn't know what to make of it.  _Is he mocking me?_

"Private business?"

"I meant no offense, my lady, I'm merely sad I cannot help you in your mission. In fact I'm the worst person for it. The Tully soldiers that you wish to drag up North are about to be slaughtered by my men in a fortnight."

Brienne looked him in the eye. Yes, she knew.  _Why did I ever come here?_   _What if the Blackfish just wanted to play a joke on me?_

"I've spoken to the Blackfish" she didn't intend to say this, but she had no idea what else she could do.

"Have you? And he convinced you to sneak into my tent and kill me, I take it?"

He said it with a cocky smirk on his face, still the presumption hurt Brienne. Apparently he could see it in her eyes.

"If not, what do you want from me?" he said it in a more serious tone.

Brienne panicked. This whole plan was ridiculous.

"He ordered me to convince you to drop the siege and leave Riverrun."

Jaime let out a little laugh, then looked her in the eye as if he was searching for something there. Brienne wanted to hide from his gaze, but she couldn't look away.

"Why would the Blackfish have the impression that you could convince me to do such a thing?" he asked her with such edge, Brienne felt like she's been cut. She hoped he wouldn't ask this question. She knew her voice was shaking when she started to speak.

"I told him you ordered me to find Sansa and you kept your oath to Lady Catelyn... I told him you have honour."

Jaime looked at her as if she was some precious, not even human being out of another world. Brienne was startled at the realisation that it required this much effort of him to believe someone doesn't despise him. Misbelief, joy, admiration, gratitude. These were all mixed in his eyes.

He was visibly fighting himself to believe somebody would actually do this for him. And Brienne felt sorry for Jaime more than she ever did before. She wanted to say something comforting, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. She had no idea for how long they've been standing like this gazing at each other. 

The corners of Jaime's lips began to lift, then he closed his mouth and nodded again.

"You really shouldn't say such things to the head of the house who is most famous for hating the Lannisters" he said warmly. "People might think you're a Lannister, too" he added after a little pause.

Brienne didn't dare to look at him. She was afraid, there was a flirty smile playing around his lips. She was right.

Jaime took a few steps closer.

She feared he wouldn't stop until he closed the gap between them, but at the same time she dreaded he would.

But Jaime stopped. He looked at her differently now. His voice sad and serious.

"I cannot end the siege."

He waited to see if she wanted to say something, but she very well knew nothing could change his decision.

"...But that doesn't mean you cannot succeed."

She didn't understand.

Jaime was reading her thoughts.

"I don't plan to attack the castle. Not while there's a chance Edmure will surrender. If this happens, as Lord Tully he will be the one you ought to convince."

New hope was rising in Brienne's heart on his words. She could convince Edmure, yes.  _People say, he's nowhere near as stubborn as his uncle. Maybe if I leave Oathkeeper with Pod while we speak, he'll believe me._

Brienne realised they were done. She told him what she wanted and he offered a solution. That was all they had to discuss. She didn't know how to finish the conversation. 

Finally she nodded implying she'd take his advice. Then she decided to look away and head out of the tent.

_If I look him in the eye, I'm lost._

"Brienne" it was barely a whisper, a breath, a prayer.

She turned around to get lost.

She felt the warmth radiating from his eyes. It happened everytime they spoke since Harrenhal, but now it was more intense than ever. She wondered if he felt the same. If him looking at her like she's the sun was reality. It seemed more like a vision.

The longer he was looking into her eyes, the more difficult it was for her to resist believing the impossible.  _He loves his sister._

Jaime opened his mouth, trying to speak, trying to say the thing they have already told each other a thousand times with their eyes.

_We shouldn't have met again._

As if the words stuck in Jaime's throat he just stood there, defeated by his feelings.

Then he stepped closer, so close Brienne could hear his breathing. 

_I am dreaming. I am a fool if I believe this is possible._

The alternation of belief and misbelief tortured her so much, she was almost ready to burst out in tears. Queen Cersei's whisper became a roar in her head.  _You love him._

With his good hand Jaime reached out for Brienne's and took it into his. Hers almost seemed like it was tiny compared to Jaime's large palm. In his it was almost like a delicate hand of a maiden.

"Please be careful, Brienne" he breathed.

 

 


End file.
